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Correct Chinuch

Rabbenu Bachya in his brilliance teaches us, that if a father tries to teach his son by saying "Endure the strain of discipline and instruction, so that through them you may ascend to esteemed levels"  The child will not be able to "bear it and will not listen....because he does not understand it"  If the father though would promise him things that bring him immediate pleasure and threaten him with immediate discomfort for rebelling "while reassuring him with conviction tangible arguments and clear and truthful evidence it will be easier for him to endure the strain of discipline and bear with its difficulty".  As the child grows and reaches adolescence with a mature mind he will then understand the "intended goal and direct himself toward it, and the pleasure he was seeking at the beginning will appear unimportant to him. Such an upbringing proves to be a great kindness towards him"
If I may give my own opinion I believe this system is the correct one when the relationship between adult and child is a respectful one and the child does not see the adult instructing the child one way and the parent does something else. Would the relationship between parent and child teacher and child be a loving, respectful, supportive one the child would follow the adult and believe that he is telling him the truth.  If the child sees inconsistencies with the adults behavior of feels rejected and judged or sees disrespect on the part of the adult to their authorities the discipline will not be accepted and will lead to rebellion and catastrophe.  As I said this is my professional opinion and you may disagree.  The one thing we do know that in a proper setting  Rabbenu Bachya's teachings are to be followed word for word.
pg 437/439

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